So…bachelor parties….I’ve been to a few in my life and they’re always interesting. Almost all of them end up at a strip club in some way shape or form, but it really depends on the bachelor. The tamest one I’ve been to was for a dr in training Duke friend of mine up in nyc. The night included Karoake signing and drinks for a group of 4-5 guys, where I unleashed my Vanilla Ice performance on the world and showed my in depth knowledge of the entire Lady GaGa and Backstreet Boys catalogs (Don’t JUDGE). At least I didn’t let out my inner Beiber-fever or Cyrus-Virus. This last bachelor party was arguably the craziest I’ve been too. Between the strippers peace-ing out on us early because people continually violated their rules ( 1. No Pictures and 2. NO INSIDE, which was violated almost immediately with a big black dildo) and the groom walking around NYC on a 30 degree night in nothing but a tie and pants, this was one crazy night. Due to the UNC game, I was a bit late and was by far WAAAY too sober for most of the night. I was sober enough to realize the scam that NYC Strip clubs are ($20 cover with a 1 drink minimum, which run from $10-20, and no water with $20 2-min lap dances not including tip) which SUCKS ’cause the only way to enjoy wasting money on lap dances from the quality of girl I can afford (meaning girls that are either noticeably past their prime, butter faced, chubby, or part of the itty bitty titty committee) is if you are at least somewhat drunk and have blurred vision. At least the night ended somewhat early at 3am with chicken and rice from a famous food truck. That stuff be good, though the hot sauce will literally tear you a new a-hole (more on that in a bit).
So, I get up saturday in my sister’s apartment obviously not feeling like a million bucks. Awoken by the best man telling us to look at the monster shit he had taken. He refused to close the door (my sister’s studio apartment is TINY) until we looked at his monster shit, which he claimed was the largest one he had ever taken. So the groom to be took a quick look, a picture was taken, and many texts were went. The two of them wanted to go grab a burger, but I decided to go back to my friend’s place to nap/relax. My friends decided to go to woodbury commons for a monster day of shopping, but since I didnt’ wake up until noonish, I missed them. Thank God. Since it was a group of 4 girls, they ended up spending 12 hours shopping, I would have been MISERABLE, tired, and hung over. But watching NY tv, I saw that St Patrick’s and number 1 recruit Michael Gilchrist were having a game in Jersey, right off of a NJ Transit stop. I didn’t want to go, but certain douchebags that I know…ie, KESHEN nudged me into it. So, I packed up some stuff and trekked out in the pouring rain. The gym was freaking PACKED, but at least I was able to sneak into the gym for free. St Pat’s blew out the poor team full of white guys (rule of thumb in basketball, team with most white guys not named Duke always score the least amount of points…). I waited till after the game and was able to get Austin Colbert and Dakari Johnson (two top 10 kids in later classes). Gilchrist comes out, I have perfect position to get him..and I can catch the 6pm train!!….but he denies me, telling me “I can’t sign”. I follow him and wait until he’s done with an interview and ask him again..”I can’t, I told you that already”. Figured I’d give it ONE more try with his parents, and his mom told me to go away and that he doesn’t sign autographs. Defeated, I left and caught the 6pm train (oh, and by the way, I bought the extended battery for the EVO and it works great….I can surf/chat/play games without worrying about draining the battery).
1/1 Dakari Johnson 11×14, he’s not actually all that nice….but he did it
1/1 Austin Colbert 8×10, he remembered me from the last time I got him, since I gave his mom some photos.
This brings me to another Mike-ism. I love f’ing around with the guys on certain message boards, posting false info/successes. So many people on that board take graphing so seriously, it defines them. I enjoy autographing and I make no bones about it, though only a SELECT SELECT few of my friends know to what extent I go. But..if something else came up, autographing would almost always take 2nd-3rd-4th priority. If family, friends, work, or something as simple as taking a poop came up, I would totally do it over graphing. So, I messed around with some people on the boards and freaked out one of the more annoying guys, a 40+ year old pedophile looking guy from FLA who constantly annoys me with pms on my phone, oh what the hell….PSUGATOR. After I got home…I too took a monster dump while surfing the web and took some pictures and sent them off to my bro and law and his best man. I think my poo lost, but no harm in sending it out. Spent the rest of the night watching tv/ordering in with my friends.
Woke up early to work out, do some dry cleaning, call in sick to work, and buy some stuff for the wedding. Headed over to the Jazz hotel and was able to catch a couple guys coming back from shoot, but missed the majority of guys. Instead of waiting around, I met up with a friend for chinese food, since I NEVER have chinese food by myself, since I have major banana-ism going on. Hit the Jazz pre-game and got:
1/1 Derrick Favors 11/14
1/1 Devin HArris 8×10
1/1 Gordon Hayward 11×14
1/1 Al Jefferson 11×14
1/1 Paul Millsap 11×14 (horrible auto now)
1/1 Jeff Hornacek 8×10 (I wish he played in today’s era..so he could warm up or come out to that club song..”I’M HORNY HORNY HORNY HORNY. That would literally make my day every time I see it).
AFter that, hung around NYC a bit more, had dinner and awesome banana pudding, and made my way back to dc via mega bus.
All in all an awesome trip, though I spent WAAAYY too much money.